let's merry.

i’m really high. and i’ve had like 4 beers. and a beer bong. so i’m a little out of it. but for some reason i really wanna talk about my boyfriend. again. i love him. i really do. we’ve had 2 arguments and they’ve never lasted more than 10 minutes. he knows how to make me instantly feel better, and although i feel completely comfortable enough around him to cry (i’m a fucking baby), he never lets it get to that point. tonight’s the first night in the past 2 weeks that i haven’t seen him. it’s weird, haha. oh well. i love him. i’m gonna go smoke another bowl and pass the fuck out.

i think i’m really satisfied with my boyfriend now. every other relationship, i’d want to talk to other boys. not romantically, or sexually, but i’d want to talk to them, that way when the relationship went south, i had plenty of boys to pick from. i know, i was awful. but now, i look at other boys (excluding famous hot men who’d i’d let fuck the shit out of me) and i don’t want anything from them. i barely acknowledge their existence, let alone their looks or if i want them as an option. i’m 100% happy, which is something i haven’t been in a long time.

So, I’m going to be really mushy here and talk about my boyfriend. Okay. Go. It’s only been a week, but he’s REALLY important to me. The smallest of things he does mean the world to me. How he always wants to hold my hand when he’s driving, how he always goes out of his way to make sure I’m doing okay. It means so much and I’m not really sure if he truly understands that. We always have the best times when we’re together, whether we be laying in my bed, going out to dinner, having sex, etc. But it’s fantastic. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for him. And as clingy, and way-too-soon-crazy-girlfriend as it sounds, he’s truly one the most important people in my life. He makes me feel special, and wanted, and loved. Which is something I haven’t felt in a while. He knows just what to say when it needs said, and he knows when I just need to lay in silence. He’s fantastic, and I’m not entirely sure what I’d do without him.

I only feel apathy anymore. I’m always tired and always down on myself. 4 days ago I met a boy. He’s wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. 4 days, 3 dates, and 2 sleepovers later and I’m his boyfriend. Am I complaining? No. Not at all. I’m just concerned. Terrified even. All of this progressed so fast that I’m afraid it’ll diminish just as easily. Not to mention he comes with strings attached. His best friend is my first exes sister. And well, that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know. I really don’t. But I trust him. And I like being with him. So I’m gonna enjoy every second of it. And not give a fuck about what anyone else has to say.

I should probably stop liking boys. It never works out for me.

You guys should follow me on instagram. @ohheyjosh :)